We did an audio tour which gave us a very real feel for what happened at these killing fields. I will spare you some of the details and if you don’t want to know anything graphic, I suggest not reading the captions I will have for the photos. I promise after this post, I will have more uplifting posts and photos from my trip. Learning and understanding some of the history of Cambodia was a big part of our trip so I feel like I should share it!

In one of the graves we found this tooth. Bones, teeth and clothing were everywhere.

Clothing coming out of the ground. The front piece could have been a blindfold.

More clothing… you can see how it is not just sitting on top of the ground but is literally coming out of the earth.

A few of the mass graves.

I thought this was strange because I didn’t see a ton of butterflies flying around and here one lays with another piece of clothing.

The tree on the left will forever haunt me. They hung speakers from this tree and played loud music to cover up the sounds of the people being killed. With the audio tour they played a sample of the music that was played. Both Denise and I would freak out a little anytime we heard a similar sounding music. I then realized that the only people who knew what that music was were either victims of the killing fields, soldiers and tourists. Kind of strange, isn’t it?

This tree I stared at for the longest time in disbelief. The soldiers would beat babies and small children against this tree until the died. They made the mother watch. They didn’t want to waste bullets because they cost money. I still don’t understand how any human could kill so many little children is such a horrific way. The grave on the right was where many women and children were buried.

Some of the clothing they have gathered through the years.

Bones… human bones.

More than 5,000 skulls are displayed in a huge memorial. They are organized by gender and age. Insane!

There were two little puppies (and a lot of chickens) wandering around the killing fields. Just a reminder that life continues on no matter what or where. I really wanted to bring this puppy home!

On our tuk tuk ride back we stopped at a few spots to see more of the beautiful side of Phnom Penh.

And we’re back in the city. Yes, they have lanes. No, they do not use them.

Pol Pot was a very disturbed man. From April 1975 until January 7, 1979 he killed an estimated 3 million people. Almost two million were tortured and killed and the others died of starvation. This was 20% of the Cambodian population! Anyone Pol Pot felt threatened by, he killed. This included members of the middle class and educated people such as teachers, police, military or people who wore glasses. He also killed their children because he was paranoid they would come back for revenge when they grew up. As time went on, he got even more paranoid, having some of his own soldiers and family beheaded and killed.

Pol Pot declared ‘Year Zero’ in 1975 and directs a ruthless program to “purify” Cambodian society of capitalism, Western culture, religion and all foreign influences in favor of an isolated and totally self-sufficient Maoist agrarian state. No opposition is tolerated.

Foreigners are expelled, embassies closed, and the currency abolished. Markets, schools, newspapers, religious practices and private property are outlawed.

This is really just touching on the history and I highly recommend googling it to learn more. I didn’t even know this happened until I visited Cambodia two years ago. You would never know it happened because the Cambodian people are so kind and welcoming. Such and amazing place with a very sad history. Most people have relatives they lost and still remember these horrible days.

The prison we visited was a school that was overtaken by Khmer Rouge when Phnom Penh was evacuated. Here they tortured and killed many. If they did not die during torture they were taken to the killing fields (this will be my next post).

The photo on the left is a skull with a bullet hole in the top of the head. Many times they would not just shoot people because bullets were expensive and they didn’t want to waste them. The photo on the right are some of the victims. They would take photos when they entered and photos when they were killed.

These are a few forms of torture and the devices they used. They would also rip off finger nails, beat, and electrocute them. There were only about 7 survivors from this torture prison and it was because they had skills that could be used.

More victims.

The buildings were covered with barbed wire so prisoners couldn’t jump off and commit suicide. They did this after one prisoner jumped from the third floor.

The cells where prisoners were shackled and kept.

Standing in the cell was surreal. Thinking of the people who were in here and died is almost incomprehensible. Blood stains can still be seen on the floor. The containers on the left were used as the bathroom.

This room still had the chalk board and what looks like nails for kids to hang their bags on.

Can’t even imagine what this was like when it was a prison…

Each room was numbered.

Shackles for multiple people.

One of the survivors from S21 sculpted these busts of Pol Pot.

This photo broke my heart. That baby would be 33 now.

One of the larger rooms where politicians or those higher up were held and tortured.

The three days in Siem Reap have been amazing. I was here two years ago and Denise came last year. We both found our way here through Bobby Earle, a photographer who hosts photo trips called The Raddest Photo Trip Ever. When I came to Cambodia the first time, I knew I would come back. Luckily Denise felt the same way and we started planning a trip. We were lucky enough to be reunited with one of our tuk tuk drivers, Mr. Sith. He went beyond being a driver and I would consider him a friend now. It was really sad to say goodbye. He went along with us through most of our adventures and it was so nice having him there. If you ever head to Siem Reap, please contact me and I will give you his email address. Having a reliable, trust worthy tuk tuk driver makes a huge difference!

On the first day we headed to Angkor. I had been there before so I decided to leave my big camera at the guesthouse. I recently got a Canon G12 point and shoot and I have to say, it’s pretty amazing. All of these were shot with the G12…

The rest of these were taken with Denise’s 5D MarkII.

I love that I have pretty friends!

One of my favorites!

This little girl was the daughter of a woman cleaning the leaves around the ruins. She was a little camera shy but enjoyed seeing her image on the screen!

Humidity and my hair don’t go well together. Remember that episode of Friends where Monica’s hair goes crazy? Yeah, that’s me!

On our second day we headed out of town (a 2 hour tuk tuk ride) to see the most amazing temple ruins I’ve seen. I was jealous that Denise got to see these on her trip and I didn’t on mine, so we were sure to go. A two hour tuk tuk ride might not sound like too much fun but I love it as much as seeing the temples. We get to see more of the surrounding villages. While still in the city, we saw these three boys trying to cross a very busy street.

Mr. Sith stopped and got us some sticky rice while we ran across the street to take some random photos.

This little one doesn’t seem very happy but after a little candy, there were smiles.

This lady was so sweet and willing to let us take her photo. I was also able to give her an instax photo for her to keep.

Love this series of a wedding and the photographer that we happened to drive by…

The ruins of Beng Mealea…

These boys loved having their photos…

Mr. Sith goes beyond tuk tuk driver… he also helps us swing from branches.

We walked down a path looking for more ruins and came across these kids going for a swim. They were cracking up when we showed them these images.

I’m pretty sure they thought we were crazy foreigners but they loved getting their photos.

How crazy is this place?!?

Yes, she climbed through all of those ruins!

Seriously, how amazing is this!

Thanks to Denise for this one of me!

Love playing with crazy light…

This gives you an idea of how big this place was… and it’s just a small part of it!

On day three we didn’t have anything we HAD to do so we told Mr. Sith to take us anywhere. We started at a silk farm where they show you the process of making silk. They start with the silk worms and the cocoons.

Not quite sure what’s going on here… the guy explaining it didn’t have the best english, but she is basically pulling the silk off of the cocoon. They do this before the worms turn into moths.

Weaving the silk…

I don’t remember the name of this lake but is a manmade lake and a popular picnic location for the locals. There is a little island in the middle with a temple.

This has to be the coolest picnic area ever. They have their hammocks hanging and fishing poles ready to go. There were lots of laughs and it seemed as though they were enjoying their Sunday afternoon.

Mr. Sith got one of these and it looked good, I tried one too. It’s sticky rice with a banana in the middle wrapped in a banana leaf. SO good!

Wasn’t quite brave enough to try any of this.

Cutest kid ever. There are a lot of kids around begging for money. Of course, the temptation is to give it to them but it only encourages a cycle of begging and no education. Instead, I give them candy. I’m pretty sure I have contributed to the rotting teeth of some Cambodian kids but it always seems to bring a smile to their faces.

This is the mother with some of her children… she has 9 total. I’m carrying my instax camera and try to give a photo to most of the kids I shoot. Last time I came I felt bad that I was taking photos of so many people and not able to share them. It was nice to be able to give this mother a photo of her with some of her kids.

After the lake we headed to the old market. Here you can get anything from meat, motor cycle parts, home goods, silk and jewelry. You can even get your hair done!

If you are a vegetarian, I’m so sorry for posting this but it was already dead so what can you do? It’s kind of the reality here… meat is a big part of the diet and I guess that includes pig heads.

Nothing says Christmas like a little sparkle…

SO, Thanksgiving… what is it REALLY about? Football, right? Maybe. The first Thanksgiving was in 1621 celebrating the anniversary of the Plymouth settlement, according to Wikipedia. It was promoted by a good harvest… hence all the food. They were thankful because they were having trouble feeding all the colonist until the Native Americans taught them how to fish. I love that now the they supply us with all of our gambling needs here in California. They’ve never stopped giving. The early colonists were obviously thankful for the Native Americans, as they probably would have died without them. Really, this holiday is about thanks and celebrating a colony surviving.

Instead of focusing on the food this year I wanted to think about what I am really thankful for. The first thing that comes to my mind, after the obvious family and friends answer, is traveling. I’ve been able to see parts of the world I never thought I would see and it has changed me… in a good way. Just the fact that I can get on a plane and go pretty much anywhere is the world is amazing to me. I’ve met so many people while traveling that would love to see California but will probably never be able to travel anywhere. Traveling the world has opened my eyes in many ways. We complain about some of the dumbest things ever. I’m guilty of this too… and then I think of the people I met in Haiti that live in tents and I wonder why I’m complaining about it being so cold I have to turn the heat on. I’m thankful for traveling because I’ve seen so many living simple lives and being happy. In many of the places I’ve visited, material items don’t define people. Their love of family, friends and neighbors is most important. The images of the people are in my head (and on my walls) and constantly remind me of the way I want to live and how thankful I am for all I have.

Because a blog with no photos is boring, here are a few photos from my travels:

Some kids in Haiti playing with the left over ink cartridges from our printer.

These kids were the cutest! This was in an orphanage in Haiti. They LOVED having their photo taken.

I got to see and hike the Great Wall! How awesome is that!

Cambodia… one of my favorite places in the world (so far). I can’t wait to go back in January!! Thanks to Bobby Earle for the photo.

My close, super crazy family… They have supported me and all my crazy ideas and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Last but not least, my friends. They love me and all my weirdness and I couldn’t be more thankful!

A little about Natalie… Besides working with me, she also works for one of the cutest little guys ever, her 5 month old son, Aiden! Don’t tell Natalie but I secretly hired her in hopes that she would bring Aiden with her and I would get to hold and cuddle him. Natalie has been a good friend throughout the years and I’ve enjoyed being a part of her wedding, amazing and miraculous pregnancy with Aiden and now working together. She is super sweet and already gets that I love using smilies way too much in emails (and blog posts). She has also had a couples, maternity, newborn and family shoot with me so she knows how it all works firsthand!

Natalie was so happy about the impromptu photo shoot yesterday.

She’s ready to answer your emails and she loves my first assistants, Sally and Trixie.

Natalie with her beautiful family!

Moss, dogs and long grass…

Melody, who grew up in Mendocino, took us through a cemetery to climb down a blowhole. I wasn’t quite sure what this meant but I was assured it was an easy hike to get to the bottom. Check out the video of Abi making her way down. The rope she’s holding ended about halfway down and for the rest of the way we relied on rocks and tree branched to get us down safely. (this is where the sore quadriceps come in)

So yeah, totally worth risking my life to see this…

How pretty is this?!?

Of course we made a quick stop in the cemetery.

When the light was pretty we headed out to shoot each other…

Hannah

Courtney

Lydia

Melody

Courtney and Brooke

Love these boots…

Abi, Courtney and Brooke

I love this beach… it reminds me so much of the beach used in Twilight.

And the pretty light is almost gone…

Once the sun is down, the girls had fun! Yes, this is what we did for fun.

When I was in Ohio last month I got to have my first “real” photo shoot with Alicia. I still helped her pick out her outfit and shoes… just like when we were kids. I was still bossy and demanding… just like when we were kids. Hopefully I’ll have a full post up soon but for now a look into the past and a look at now!

Alicia couldn’t have been older than 4 in this photo. She was wearing a bathrobe (which doubled as a backdrop) and I attached a bow onto a headband and told her it was a crown. I told her she was a princess and I’m pretty sure I made her walk around the house while I held the back of her royal robe making her wave to the commoners. Oh the fun of being a kid! (Please excuse the bad scanning quality… I shot film back in those day.)

Alicia now. I have always been jealous of her beautiful blue eyes! You are gorgeous!

The first of the RPTE crew to stay with me was Katie from Fargo. She was here at the beginning of the year and I asked her if she would want to come back in April to shoot a wedding with me in Santa Barbara. Luckily, she wanted to shoot with me and we made a little mini vacation out of it! We got to see Josh, another RPTE friend, and his girlfriend, Kim, while in SB and we took a trip to Solvang the day after the wedding. On the way back from Solvang we stopped at a random location I found during an engagement shoot and did mini shoots of each other…

If I’m going to take tourist pics, I’m going to act like one of those obnoxious tourists (and make Katie act like one too).

The super pretty spot we stopped at on the way back. I kind of love these two images side by side. It looks like miniature Katie is dreaming about life size Katie. haha

I’m excited to be heading to Fargo this summer to shoot a wedding with Katie. I hear weddings are different there… we shall see!

My next guest was Amy from Louisiana. I was excited to have Amy stay with me because she can always make me laugh. She was in town with her youngest daughter, Ava. Her class won the Disney Planet Challenge and got treated like royalty at Disneyland! It was so fun to meet Ava and hang out with Amy. We also got to hang out with Bobby, Lindsay and Clive at Chick-fil-a, of course.

At Disneyland waiting for the fireworks to start!

Amy stayed a day longer than Ava was here so she was able to take family photos for my family and we also did headshots for each other.

Here is one of my favorites from my family shoot!

My favorite of Amy…

After all the shooting, we headed to Laguna for a quick bite to eat. Of course we had to take tourist pictures in front of the lifeguard stand.

The last of my guests was Megan. She is from Northern California so I probably see her the most (besides Hannah). It was fun to have her here! We didn’t really do much but sit around and edit together. I always love to have company while editing… sometimes it can be lonely! It was also fun to have a buddy to go to Denny’s with at 2 in the morning. So, since I don’t have any photos of Megan, I will share one from a birthday party I shot the weekend she was here.

How cute is this cake! Made by Cinderella Cakes.

I love that I have the space to have guests stay with me and I especially love when my RPTE friends come visit! Who’s next?!?

So of course, I start thinking big… I need to go back to Haiti, do something amazing. Then I realized, to do something meaningful doesn’t mean I have to go to another country, even another city. I can do something simple, like call my grandma and tell her I love her, ask a neighbor in the elevator how there day is going, say hello to one of my homeless neighbors. Anything, to stop thinking about me. When I do this I feel refreshed because really, it’s the way we were made to live.

So you might be wondering, what was the meaningful thing I did to get out of my self-important rut? It started simple, make blueberry muffins and give one to my mom when I picked her up for church on Easter. I thought it would be a nice little surprise since I don’t bake. Well, then I ended up staying up until 5am or so editing and realized the sun would be coming up soon. And then I thought… I should give them to some of the homeless. Right outside of my building there are some benches that double as beds most nights for some. They usually are gone by the time the sun is up. I’ve always wanted to take them breakfast but if you know my schedule, it is rare that I am up at sunrise. So, I decided to make little breakfast bags (two muffins and a tangerine) and see who I could find.

The muffin distribution was successful! One man was reluctant to take them but once I made a sad face and said, “but I baked them”, he took them and asked for another for a friend. The one thing I notice about homeless people is that they won’t look at you. Their heads are normally down. Each person I greeted with a “good morning”, and they all looked up slowly to see if I was talking to them. When they realized I actually was speaking to them, their faces changed. I think they are so used to being ignored and shunned, it’s strange for them to have someone willing to talk to them. They all have a story, just as we do. Please understand, I’m not saying I’m a miracle worker who will change these people… that is not my goal. I simply want to make them feel human, a part of society… because they are.

Here’s a challenge for you… next time you see a homeless person, say hi, or just smile at them. I used to be scared of homeless people, thinking they are all drunks who want to kill me. Turns out, they actually have my back. I feel safer walking my dogs at night knowing they are there. One man that I’ve talked to a few times even opened the door for me when I went to Starbucks. All this to say, when I do something meaningful, it changes me. It opens my heart to see others and to see how precious every life God created really is.

I’d love to hear you thoughts! What is something meaningful you can do? What is something meaningful your kids can do? Let’s share ideas and start living a more full, meaningful life in the craziness of our everyday life!

Because a blog with no photos is boring here are a few shots I took with my iPhone at church on Easter. It was an amazing service at the OC Pacific Amphitheater taught by Francis Chan. Seriously, an amazing man of God with a passionate heart. If you search him on iTunes, you’ll find a ton of free podcasts!

I love the photo on the left. My church really supports the arts so there is always a creative telling of what we are going to hear at Easter. The dancers started out in all black with a black wall. The were painting with black paint in a routine fashion. Then a guy in white came and splashed color on the wall and slowly they came alive. As I was watching this, I felt like they somehow got in my head and were telling everyone how I had been feeling the past week (the colorful paint was like my muffins). haha

The image on the right clearly shows that I went to church in Orange County… notice all the plaid shirts and skinny jeans (which you actually can’t see in this pic).